College Thoughts

Run, run, run,

work, work, work,

give a big si-gh

Its rough preparing for college,

its tough preparing to live

For we're living all the time,

yet working, working, working towards that goal

You've got to be doing the hardest things,

you've got to be doing the best.

Yet through all of this you've got to be yourself

so keep running, running, running

It's the best year of our lives

we're on top, yet still in high school

we've got freedom, and still some safety

So why are we focusing on a couple steps ahead?

Take a moment,

stop and stare

look around

and see what's there.

We're stuck here in the now

So lets make the best of it

lets enjoy this endless fleeting time.

i.hate.being.sick.

Lasting

It's a bittersweet beginning

if you keep the past too close.

It's a way to keep from ending,

someone that you chose.

I'm not saying I don't love you,

you are always in my heart,

I love to hear your voice

and imagine you with me

but whenever we part again

I feel

tearing, pulling, tugging, leaving

Everytime you go

its as bad as the first

crushing, hurting, sobbing, fearing

That this might be the last time

this might be the last time

I want you to go out and live

Don't get stuck here left with me

I want to be able to leave this place

without sacrificing your sacrifice.

don't you see I want you happy?

don't you see I have no choice?

your my only, my baby,

my jealous boy.

but whenever we part again

I feel

tearing, pulling, tugging, leaving

Everytime you go

its as bad as the first

crushing, hurting, sobbing, fearing

That this might be the last time

this might be the last time

Graduation?

Left alone.  As everyone moves away I feel the need to hold everyone closer; too close perhaps as I drown them in my static-cling.  I hope its clear that I love them, not only the selfishness of the strength in my arms hugging them close.  Mind's are past me and so I grab the physical essence with all my strength.  Yet as I clutch at these fleeing stars, I lose my hold on things not yet past me.  No longer can she relate to my pain nor I to hers.  I grow as they pull and stretch me, ready to shoot back to the ground like a rubber band, whereas she seems to be filling herself with the toxins that make you old, create the age, a means of escape until the pressure pops and she has a hole.  I'll be left stretched and in pain, but at least I'll be whole.  Do I envy you?  Do I envy your ability to help yourself even if it kills you?  Do you ever envy me?  For my lack of angst, for my childish needing?  Well as they zoom off into their glorious futures, I wonder if its worth it.  To attach myself to stars.  Do I want the freedom to fly?  The pain of someone else's reaching arms.  The pain of being free.

Obsession

I can't help it, 

I don't know why, 

but you've got me 

going crazy, dancing circles.

You don't see me, 

just a hug in passing, 

but the world you've built, 

the one crumbling down around me, 

is beautiful and I never want to leave.

I'm driving towards the sky

and I know there is a limit

but you've made it go clear

yet I'm willing to crash.

I know that as I fall back to earth

you wont be waiting

but that doesn't stop me now.

You're the one helping me thrive:

the one keeping me alive

as I jump past sanity in a whirl.

To stay awake

I think of you, of you kissing me.

and I know it wont happen

you don't want anything serious

but then why did you start at all?

Sometimes you make me feel

like an experiment,

to test your ability.

I am the prisoner but I don't care.

If you hurt me, it's my fault:

I'm the one who got attached,

you're the one who warned me.

But you once hoped I'd meet

someone who made me as happy

as I make you.

Guess what, I have.

Will you be mine?

Fleeting Colors

We're constantly searching for colors in our world and we find them in the fleeting traces of nature: the inspiration of a rainbow, a sunset.  do we ever find the glory of the sun at noon worthy of a picture or a drawing?  No.  the sun at noon is quite like the sun the rest of the day.

no need to celebrate mundaneness.  

Perhaps that's why the life of school and homework seems so unimportant, we live them for most of our awareness.  School will be a treat when we no longer have to learn everyday.  No wonder people look at us like we're stupid when we say school is boring; we have the opportunities that stop existing; we throw away knowledge that we will long to remember.

Cherishing the ride on the bus I take a moment to ponder the way we describe our lives: the disinterest, the regret.  We find interesting the things we'll deal with forever-we don't appreciate what's fleeting.  

If all we've ever seen is the beauty of the sunrise, how can we delight in it?  How can those in the day remember the need to see the full sun?  We long for the colors we cannot see-for the time that is not ours.